Be prepared this Halloween for killer clowns

Michael Read, Reporter

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Halloween is next week and if you haven’t figured out what you are going to be, you have to get on that.

I would imagine this year there will be many politically influenced costumes. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and since it is his last year in office, maybe some Obamagoers. Those who want to keep it simple might be a ghost or a zombie. Classics, right? You can’t go wrong there. But I’m sure everyone is hoping to not to see a certain costume at a party or out on the street… clowns.

Of course we all know about the clown sighting craze that is virally sweeping the nation. We’ve seen the photos and videos, hell there are even Twitter accounts dedicated to eyewitness sightings. I’ll be honest, some of them are pretty crazy. Almost freaky scary. Then there are those which are clearly staged and people are just having fun with it. But is it all fun and games?

To an extent, yes, but when there are actual police reports of clowns luring children into wooded areas and murdering them or kidnapping them, then it creates a bigger issue. It has transformed a harmless costume idea – a circus attraction and a children’s favorite balloon animal creator — into a real life freak show that has many concerned. Some retailers have even decided to pull clown masks and costumes off their shelves, including Target.

So with that in mind, what do you do on Halloween weekend or Halloween night when you are out at a party, or walking the streets with your family going trick-or-treating, and you see someone dressed up as a clown? It could be a normal person just trying to enjoy the night, but it could also be a killer clown. You don’t know and that is what is intimidating.

Here are some options if you see a clown during Halloween festivities:

Get in your car and run it over. You have the power, man. You can control the situation and potentially save your life or you could injure an innocent clown. Nevertheless, you’ve got to be prepared. Fill your tank up, get your oil changed and make sure you’ve got enough horsepower to save yourself and others. Full speed ahead, but if it gets up then you might want to resort to option two.

Fight it. Whether you want to give it a good beating yourself or you want to use a prop. This is a good option because you are guaranteed that the clown won’t bother you anymore throughout the night. You just gave it the beating of a lifetime, it won’t want round two, especially if you are using a bat. And after you are done beating the hell out it, take a picture and be sure to send it to all of your loved ones so they know you survived.

Run. If you don’t have a car, a bat or aren’t the fighting type then you better make sure you’ve got two working legs to run for your life. There is no denying it, your fight or flight will kick in and you’ll get an adrenaline rush but that only lasts for so long and once it runs out, you better be running as fast as Usain Bolt or you’re going to die. Okay, that’s a little extreme, hopefully not die but you never know.

Don’t leave the house. Option four probably isn’t ideal… it’s Halloween! Everyone goes out, it is the one night out of the year where Donald Trump can sexually assault woman and it can be totally acceptable because he could be dressed as anybody he wants. He can be dressed as Bill Clinton looking for his Monica of the evening or even a clown… but doesn’t Trump and a clown already look the same?

Just be sure to be careful, everyone. Don’t drink and drive. If you need a ride home, who you gonna call? Well, since Buffalo isn’t cool yet, Uber isn’t an option but you can always call Ghostbusters. And, sadly, it’s the new cast out this year, not the old one. Happy Halloween!

email: read.record@outlook.com

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