End the teeter-totter tease, it’s time for a vending machine revolution

Andrew David Kuczkowski, Sports Editor

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Some things just need to change. It’s just how it is. There’s the obvious changes like technology. Whether it is Apple or Samsung, their new products, improved and enhanced, come out yearly. However, other products take – and are taking – way too long to join the new age.

It was a normal night at my job for a newspaper in Dunkirk, NY. All I do is read, edit and call a few people. But everybody needs to take a load off from their shift. Some do that by smoking while others simply order food. For me, my route is much different. Mine is about 65 steps down the hallway, turn left and I’m there.

The break room.

It’s a sanctuary that has everything I wish my previous jobs had. Drinks? Yup, they are there. Food? Well, kind of. Matters if you want to pretend your name is ‘Linda’ and if you get caught, you act like it was an accident. But my jaunt has one destination and that’s the snack machine.

This 7-foot by 4-foot contraption is my inner fat kid’s paradise and my outer, to be honest. And as I prepared to empty my pocket full of change, I admired all of my options. There’s Grandma’s mini sandwich cremes, a.k.a. vanilla cookies, at the B1 spot, that’s my Saturday favorite. There have been days where the beef jerky up at A3 got my interest.

However, on Nov. 5, 2016 at 10:25 p.m. it was a bag full of Reese’s Pieces. A bag that weighs 1.53 ounces and lives up to its motto ‘Peanut Butter Candy in a crunchy shell’ every damn time.

Though this night was different. I did not buy one or two. I bought three. Do you know why I purchased three Reese’s Pieces? (No, not because I’m fat). Because the first two got stuck and that third one is like that freshman on the first week of classes running through the hallways knocking others out of their way. My total bill of $2.25 emptied my wallet and with disappointment, I grabbed my prizes.

I brought them back to the graveyard of all candy, my desk, and pondered why have these machines not adapted. For drink machines, you may have the older one where it falls from 3-feet up and slams for you to only grab it and hope it won’t fizz up once opening it. But most have the updated machine that holds your drink and slides it into a grabbing area, preventing the catastrophic fear of fizzy pop.

When it comes to these outdated snack machines, I have not seen its inevitable replacement. This abomination should never occur anymore. I demand once my finger lets go of that ‘1’ button and my selection has been made that there should be a better system that delivers the candy from the shelf to the grabbable tray. At least better than that twirling corkscrew that hangs onto every little edge.

So I beg of you. Though the election is over, your voting power matters. We must unite and vote to not eat from these vile machines. Our boycott will be the first step in the vending machine revolution and a better world. A world without dangling Reece’s Pieces.

email: Kuczkowski.Record@outlook.com

Twitter: @Kuczkowski95

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