Fetishes can hurt a relationship, or enhance it

Edwin J. Viera, Columnist

“La Doleur Exquise” is the French term for the exquisite pain. In some cases, this can be a term used for people whom are masochists; people that love to be humiliated, beaten, or harmed. While the pain can be too much, they are always willing to come back for more. In relationships, however, this can go a bit farther.

Sexual fetishes can be a big part of a relationship. One of the most famous fetishes is BDSM, which stands for Bondage and Discipline/Dominant and Submissive/Sadism and Masochism. This particular fetish came to light through the acclaimed novel “Fifty Shades of Grey,” which is just as much of a problem as it is a bestseller.

Although BDSM wasn’t accurately portrayed, it gave people a taste of what they could have in there. Usually when someone has tasted blood, they often want more. But can that taste of blood lead to injuries?

After the release of the novel, many people were hospitalized for attempting moves Christian Grey used on Anastasia. People thought they could use sex toys in certain ways, and it turns out, they were horribly wrong. Could sexual fetishes be more dangerous than people think?

Can a fetish get in the way of an actual relationship? Are relationships influenced by the sexual fetishes of a partner? I can’t help but wonder.

When it comes to relationships, are sexual fetishes a friend or a foe?

For those who aren’t sure what some fetishes are, there is autoerotic asphyxiation, where a person likes being choked, or gagged. Another example is panty stuffing, in which a woman uses her undergarments in her lady parts. Finally, there’s necrophilia, which is making love to a dead body.

To gain more insight on fetishes, I spoke with fashion design student Victoria Herecki about her particular fetishes. These include BDSM, and more specifically, being a little girl and her boyfriend being a father figure, and being a rope bunny —meaning she likes to be tied up.

Her fetishes started the way many of them possibly do; through curiosity about what it would feel like.

Herecki also said that guys were willing to go along with her fetishes because they on the lighter side of the spectrum. The spectrum she’s talking about is the fetish spectrum —in which her fetishes fall on to the lighter side, and the heavier side would be something along the lines of autoerotic asphyxiation, or chains & whips.

After talking to Herecki, I spoke with theatre major Collin Kirdahy, who said he likes, “light spanking but not being gently spanked. Not soft spanks, but hard spanks. Also, I enjoy being scratched and he likes hickeys.” Both Kirdahy and Herecki said that they enjoyed these, but don’t need them all the time.

Kirdahy and Herecki have their fetishes under control, but some people can’t control themselves and they get lost within the fetish. Sexual fetish-related injuries are on the rise since the “Fifty Shades of Grey” novel series was published.

“The number of Americans requiring emergency room care for injuries involving sex toys has approximately doubled since 2007, according to data from the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Much of that increase happened in 2012 and 2013, following the release of the wildly popular erotic novels in the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ series. And the overwhelming majority of these injuries, 83 percent, require ‘foreign body removals,’” The Washington Post said.

Sex toys are a major fetish because sometimes your partner isn’t enough. In the year 2010, sex toy related injuries were at 1,500, and after “Fifty Shades of Grey,” those numbers practically increased to 2,500 in 2012, a year after “Fifty Shades of Grey” was published.

When relationships start to end up like this, people also enter a “sex haze.” This is when they lose themselves to the great sex they are having, but are oblivious to what’s actually going on in their relationship. It can be dangerous as many people end up hurt because of this.

One essential part of sexual fetishes that people commonly forget is the difference between a kink and a fetish. A kink would be the incorporation of a feather in the bedroom, but a fetish would be an incorporation of the whole chicken. To clarify, a kink is just an addition, but a fetish would be something that you do all throughout making love.

Making love can be what you want it to be, but please use protection and stay safe. Don’t let anyone tell you that your life in the bedroom is weird because that could be their own discomfort coming out as judgment. Pleasure is pleasure, and that’s all there is to it.

Some fetishes are healthier than people think, because there are somethings not too many people would consider a fetish. I spoke with one other student who said that their fetish is having a great relationship, a few kids, and a nice home. So, for some, they seek La Doleur Exquise; others are just seeking the future. Fetishes are strange to some, but they are one of the healthiest things for a relationship.

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