Follow your own dating rules

Follow your own dating rules

Colleen Young, Managing Editor

All the single ladies, there’s a new book of rules to make dating seem even more complicated and scary than we thought.

All these rules are very overwhelming. They’ve been floating in my worried mind ever since my sister sent me “Not Your Mother’s Rules. The New Secrets for Dating,” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

Here are a few of the rules:

Rule #1: “Be a creature unlike any other.” (CUAO)

Rule #2: “Look like a CUAO.”

Rule #3: “Don’t talk to or text a guy first.”

Rule #4: “Don’t ask guys out by text, Facebook, Gchat or any other way.”

Rule #5: “Don’t sit or stand next to a guy first or flirt with him first.”

Rule #10: “Stay away from his Facebook profile.”

Rule #14: “Don’t just hang out or see him 24/7.”

Rule #16: “Don’t lose your friends because you’re so obsessed with a guy!”

Rule #19: “Don’t pay for dinner or buy his love in any way.”

Rule #23: “Don’t be self-destructive by dating married, unavailable, and other mixed messages guys.

Rule #24: “Stop dating a guy who cancels more than once.”

Rule #26: “Don’t accept booty calls or meaningless hookups.”

I’m so thankful for my sister’s gift of the book for me and for her effort to help me find a Prince Charming, however I do need to have a talk with the authors, as I disagree with what they wrote.

In the book, I learned that I’m supposed to dress with hoop earrings, have long straight hair, maintain a slender figure, and be mysterious.

For once, I think I’m about to become a rule-breaker.

Woops! The book said I’m not even supposed to mention the rules! Sorry readers.

I don’t wear hoop earrings, I wear pearls.

I don’t have long, straight hair. I have shorter wavy hair that’s extra poofy when humidity is involved.

I’m also not slender. Like the new hit song by Meghan Trainor says, “I’m bringing booty back.”

Similarly, a note to the authors — you’re right. These aren’t my mother’s rules.

As Trainor sings, “My momma, she told me don’t worry about your size. She says, boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”

Take that, authors.

Does this mean a guy won’t date me if I don’t fit the guidelines of these rules? If so, then good riddance! He probably wouldn’t have fun with me at Disney World anyway.

I also read in the book that in between dates, I’m supposed to disappear from the guy. I’m supposed to seem busy and unavailable so that he thinks I’m on other dates.

I guarantee I’m probably drinking chocolate milk and watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. Mystery solved.

The authors also say that I shouldn’t have texting marathons with a guy so that I save everything to tell him in person.

I promise you that I will always have something to say. Forever and ever amen.

What if I enjoy text marathons with a guy and get a thrill out of sending funny emojis to add to the conversation?

I’m sorry. I know these rules were researched and have great success rates among relationships of all ages, but following many of the rules would mean I’d have to change who I am, and I believe my future partner in crime will like that I’m what the book says is a CUAO.

I love to talk, I really enjoy chicken, I wear pink every day, and my face is always smiling. If that doesn’t make me a CUAO, I don’t know what does.

If a guy wants to date me, he’ll have to embrace who I am, not what a book says I should be.

Lady Bengals, if you want to text a guy you like, text him. Who cares if you’re breaking the rules?

Email:[email protected].

Twitter: @LivewithColly