What is the Beygency?

I saw my best friend/hero/big sissy/role model Beyoncé posted a picture on Instagram of “The Beygency” Monday morning with the caption “Haaaaaaaaaaaa,” I was left baffled. I know all about Queen B. What was this new agency she spoke of?

She must’ve known that I was mind boggled because an hour later, she posted the link to a clip from “Saturday Night Live,” (SNL), with the caption “Love this!”

Thanks Beyoncé, I knew you wouldn’t leave me hanging. I watched the now viral video from SNL and knew why she loved it.

By Tuesday night, the video already had almost 1.5 million views. Woah baby, it’s a hit!

“Ring the alarm!”

In the video, actor Andrew Garfield was celebrating his birthday with his friends. They were toasting to friends and raving about Beyoncé until Garfield made the big, big mistake of turning against his country and its Queen.

He said the unsayable, “She is so good. I’m not a huge fan of that one ‘Drunk in Love’ song though.”

Watch your mouth!

The Beygency, the agency tasked with bringing him down, went to “worke” to erase his existence.

He soon had only a few allies, which included “24’s” Jack Bauer and Chloe. They’re two of my favorite characters from a TV show my neighborhood used to gather to watch. I even wanted to name my future chubby bulldog after Chloe… until they sinned too.

In the video, they meet Garfield in a parking garage and try to help him disappear and start a new life. Bauer starts singing Beyoncé’s “Irreplaceable” lyrics and simultaneously, he and Chloe say it’s the only good Beyoncé song. They’re quickly shot by someone in a car that speeds away.

Mr. Garfield, “You should have listened.”

Saying bad things about Queen B is a serious offense with horrible consequences. Learn your lesson, people.

As Beyoncé herself sings, “Bow down, (b-words).”

Garfield screams and runs from his murdered allies. He then sees his son Kevin dressed in pajamas waiting for him outside.

After breaking the news to Kevin that his daddy was very rude to Beyoncé, Garfield realizes his son doesn’t smell like himself.

Plot twist! It’s not Kevin, it’s a trap! The leader of the Beygency rips off his mask and tells “Dan” that it’s over for him. Garfield is told to put his hand in the hair and dance like Queen B does in her “Single Ladies music video.”

On a side note, my sister once did the entire “Single Ladies” dance in our high school talent show. She was Beyoncé, so I feel that it’s very important for you to know that Queen B is very near and dear to my family’s hearts. We’re with you, Beygency.

Garfield, who wasn’t as faithful to Beyoncé as he should’ve been, paid the ultimate price for being an idiot. He was then locked in a dungeon with a woman who didn’t dance to “Crazy in Love” at a wedding in 2004. She informs Garfield that he’s never getting out, and he shouldn’t!

This single lady believes that girls run the world, especially Beyoncé. Anyone who disagrees should move “to the left” and “roll up the partition please,” because I don’t want to “love you like XO.” “Lemme upgrade you,” join the local chapter of the Beygency with me, because “we flawless, ladies tell ‘em.”

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @LivewithColly