Aries It’s your season!… But has it really been your season? I mean, let’s be real Aries season isn’t really the best. It rains CONSTANTLY and the incoming flowers are trying to kill everyone with their pollen. Just like yesterday, and every other Aries day, the weather will be poor and so will every other aspect of your life. Relationships will clash you’ll blame it all on the Mercury Retrograde but have faith Aries, Taurus season is coming!

Taurus Today you will meet your true love. You had dreams that your love would be from a “far off land” but be patient Taurus because your soulmate may not be as far as you thought it would be. Along the way, your day will be filled with ups and downs but it’s important to see it as a rollercoaster Taurus. Use today as an adventure through life.

Gemini When it comes to you Gemini, you just might be one of the most hated signs. You’ve been called everything from a two-faced b**** to a mood swing maniac. Whether that’s true or not, today, to everyone’s surprise…you are still a mood swing maniac. Gemini your day will start off with the sun and along the way, you will have so many ups and downs that you will probably exhausted just from dealing with yourself. Have a great day Gemini!

Cancer Dear Cancer, your mind is naturally like Google. You absorb so much information and you’re able to use it in just the right situation, but the challenge for you today is that your emotions will get in the way and hinder your wonderful capabilities. Stay true to who you are Cancer and you will still come out on top today, but don’t forget to pack tissues in your bag.

Leo “I GOT THE EYE OF THE TIGER!!” Oops sorry, lion but it still fits I guess. Your roar might be muffled today due to your destined meet up with the Cancer and Aries. Watch out and make sure you keep that roar intact. Along the way, you will run into the sun. Use that for energy before it burns you out.

Virgo Due to your controlling nature, you will expect everything to go your way today, but the Taurus has other plans for you. The two of you will have a day of battle today and by the looks of the Mercury Retrograde, today may not be your strongest. Though you may not come out on top today, use this as a learning experience for the next encounter.

Libra Today you have a challenge. Libra, you have a tendency to be a bit repetitive so today is all about learning how to NOT say “like” and “literally” so much. This will be a challenge, but with the help of the Gemini you “literally” will be “like” the best at not using those words. Don’t be alarmed though. This might be tough but the retrograde is definitely on your side. As long as you keep that in mind, you’ll be fine.

Scorpio The challenge for you today Scorpio is to keep your sexual tendencies at bay. Everyone knows that the Scorpio knows how to get down in the bedroom but this season coming up is all about getting your mind on the right path. So quit “knocking the boots” and make sure to get your study on. You might want to reach out to the Capricorn for help since they are known for their restraint.

Sagittarius You’re born in the winter and chances are that you thrive during the colder months. As these coming months start to warm up, you may find you become uneasy. So remember a cool lemonade or just standing in front of the freezer with the door open can go a long way. Stay cool and remember people don’t really like the hotheads anyway.

Capricorn your brain works like a perfectly functioning machine. Ideas come out like finished products but today they may be moving a bit too quit. Remember to take a beat and channel your inner calm and work through your ideas to their full capacity. Know that each idea can have a mind of its own so work smarter not harder when it comes to these things.

Aquarius Unlike the Scorpio, your sex life has been at a quite depressing standstill but if the stars are reading correctly then this might just be your time to shine. Use all your moves this coming season because you never know when you’ll be in a drought again. Just as an FYI, you may want to try your moves out on an Aries or Pisces as they are in their peak hormonal season as well.

Pisces Charm. Charm is something politicians, con-men and everyday people use to get other people to like them. You, my Pisces, do not have charm today you are in luck. You’ll cross paths with some surprising beings who pull the charming nature out of you that you thought wasn’t there. Have faith my friend, you can rejoin society with all your charming ways as soon as you learn how to do it.

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The news isn’t fake… but today it is. This story is a part of our annual April Fool’s coverage, The Wreckard. It’s not true. It’s not factual. It’s all in good fun.

Happy April Fool’s Day!

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