To tip or not to tip? That is the question that New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo has charged the Department of Labor with, holding public hearings throughout the state.

Cuomo’s proposal is to eliminate the sub-minimum wage for industries reliant on gratuity, forcing businesses to pay a higher hourly wage. The Governor champions the change, saying it’s to protect employees from exploitation.

However, Bertha May, waitress at the Patty Shack in New York City, has come forward with new information behind Cuomo’s plan, revealing that the Governor’s intentions are not virtuous, but rather diabolical.

Employees in the bar/restaurant industry are in an outrage. Although the proposal will give servers more money hourly, it will ultimately lead to a reduction of tips, which is where majority of their income is made.

A popular question coming from members of the food service community is, “if it’s not broke, why does the Governor want to fix it?”

On the Governor’s website he states his reasoning for pushing the wage increase is to combat sexual harassment, racism, and a significant fluctuation of wages from day to day, resulting in underpaid workers.

 “At the end of day, this is a question of basic fairness. In New York, we believe in a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work and that all workers deserve to be treated with dignity and respect,” Cuomo said.

Contrary to the Governor’s website, May says Cuomo’s plan for the service industry is retaliation to a poor experience at the Patty Shack last year, which resulted in a slew of tweets from the Governor, vowing payback.

The Record has since recovered the deleted tweets, which substantiate May’s claim that the wage increase is a rouse to eventually take away server’s tips, therefore taking their livelihood, and ultimately exacting his revenge.

Witnesses at the Patty Shack confirmed that May was experiencing rectal turbulence during the Governor’s meal.

“He was complaining about how his steak wasn’t cooked enough, and as Bertha turned to walk away, she had a back end blow out that made my eyes water,” Albert Folly, a regular at the diner, said.

Several customers attested to the fecal fumes that Cuomo complained of in his tweets.

“That Governor was being a petty betty over some meat, so she hit him with some brown thunder,” Earl Grey, another customer, said.

May’s supporters said that the waitress did not hit the politician with her air biscuit out of malice, but rather, she had been colon bowlin’ all morning.

The waitress explained that she had eaten a beef and bean burrito from the corner store before work, which resulted in the ongoing cheek squeaks.

Horton Salisbury, who sat directly behind the Governor’s table that day said that May’s back draft actually remedied Cuomo’s original complaint.

Salisbury said when May turned around and released her fanny flapper, the heat from the blast cooked his steak from medium rare to well-done, the temperature he desired.

At this point Cuomo began to plot with the colleagues at his table, how they could make not just May, but all restaurant employees suffer.

Salisbury overheard the entire scheme, which included championing higher hourly wages, which would eventually eliminate the need for tipping, depriving waiters, May included, of their livelihood.

Salisbury also commented that Cuomo laughed so hard when he mentioned using the term “fairness” to push his agenda for taking tips away, that he choked on his “natural gas” heated steak.

“Any man who pretends to care about servers and takes away their means of earning a better living, is cruel in my book. And any man who eats a steak that’s been heated up with hot wind, is just not right in the head,” Salisbury said.

The news isn’t fake… but today it is. This story is a part of our annual April Fool’s coverage, The Wreckard. It’s not true. It’s not factual. It’s all in good fun.

Happy April Fool’s Day!